You smell like a Billy Joel song
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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