bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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