i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
