I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
