I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
