Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
