It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
