So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
