Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
