not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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