I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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