Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
