Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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