This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
