I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
