u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
