they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
