Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
