Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
