If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
