Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
