I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
