wakey wakey hands off snakey
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
