gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
