Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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