He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
