She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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