WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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