I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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