Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
