Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
