I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
