I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i barfeds in our rink
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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