I cannot find my penis.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it penis luge time yet?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
