with your own penis?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
