She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
