He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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