i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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