dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
