one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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