oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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