my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
