I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
