Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
