He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
