I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
