Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
