Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
