I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
