Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
