whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
