I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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