Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
